We took a train ride today. Me, my 8 year old, my 6 year old.
The three of us sat in 2 rows of seats that faced each other.
Alan was by the window, leaning his head against my shoulder. Leo was across from us. I had slipped off my shoes and stretched my feet out on the seat, and Leo propped his feet on my shins in turn. He took off his spring jacket and tucked it around our legs to “make us cozy.” We were a companionable triangle.
I have always loved traveling by train, gliding swiftly over the ground as I stare dreamily out the window. I did not scroll or distract myself. I just sat there, soaking in the feeling of immense safety along with the promise of adventure, as the ka-chunk ka-chunk of the wheels thundered us forward.
It took me a while to realize that my creative productivity doesn’t come from me screaming at myself to GO HARDER.
It comes from a place of security.
Of knowing that I am okay enough that it’s all right for me have an “adventure” (re: write a blog, edit a video, make a logo design) even if it doesn’t work out the first time. Or the first 10 times.
When I spend time creating a feeling of safety, all of the sudden I will feel a sort of "quickening" feeling. This is when I will have these mad scientist ideas that make me laugh with joy and I know I just have to do them. That's when I suddenly am able to shift into a sixth gear.
I guess the train reminds me of this happy creative place inside myself.
What’s your happy place?
Cathy