So a while back, there was this person I was dating.
One week I didn’t hear from him for several days in a row. This was unusual for us; we talked pretty much every day.
I was worried. I called and left messages.
It turned out he’d been rushed to the hospital to have his appendix removed. No one told me.
“Why did you leave me so many messages like a crazy person?!? You're so clingy!” he told me angrily, a week or so later, when I finally got a hold of him. I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist. I couldn’t believe I was in trouble for worrying about him.
Things went kaput after that.
Nowadays, I’m with someone that I am absolutely RIDICULOUSLY OVER THE TOP about showing affection for, and it’s never ever ever “too much” for him.
For example, I squealed with delight yesterday when we got to hold hands and walk a short way together on our way to pick up each kid from their after-school care.
“You know, we just got to hold hands and walk together this morning. We get to hold hands and walk together a LOT,” he pointed out, smiling.
“I know,” I beamed. “But I’m excited about it all over again.” I think I actually bounced.
It’s not possible for me to be “too much” in this relationship, because MORE IS ALWAYS MORE.
Even when I am really angry with my partner, I still carry a deep feeling of security that I am safe to be as “too much” as I want.
Why am I telling you this?
I think sometimes we get into these negative loops (at work and in life) where we GIVE more and more, but GET less and less, until we collapse from exhaustion.
But if we can start with meeting our own needs first...with being honest with ourselves about what we want out of life…it’s actually possible to create a “more is more” loop under almost any previously-inhospitable circumstances.
Whatever else is going on for you…I hope the next time you have a chance to be recharged, or accepted for exactly who you are, or excited to “bouncing” levels…that you are able to take it.
May you be as “too much” as you want, and then some. 💛
-Cathy