I attended a meeting of a parenting group for parents of special needs kids tonight. It was offered through my school district.
The woman leading the seminar explained how she and her husband had debated and worried over letting her son with autism swim without a life vest in the pool. He'd really wanted to; but they were scared, because when you're dealing with autism, there can quickly be life-threatening consequences if they truly aren't able to handle the thing.
But do you lock them in a tower for their whole life? No. you can't.
So you end up in a situation where you're leaping into the unknown a lot.
And sometimes, it is all just fine.
Sometimes it's a bumpy landing but then they pull through.
And then, lots of times, it's a bust. It's a public autistic panic attack. It's the kid screaming and running around naked in the science museum's bathroom. It's everyone around you staring and making shitty comments about your kid.
But the thing is, you have to keep doing the scary leaping because you have absolutely no idea if they can handle it otherwise — and you can't ever move forward.
I kept feeling this profound wave of recognition as she spoke.
I have leapt into the unknown and felt that stomach-gurgling terror so many times. So many times, I was sure I everything was f*cked.
You know what I learned?
Sometimes everything IS f*cked.
But also...being f*cked is fine.
It's literally just another part of life.
Go on, crank up the Adele track, cry a bucket of tears, rock out in your sad clothes, rewatch How I Met Your Mother while eating your feelings. Then move on when you can.
-Cathy "life is pretty f*cked sometimes" Lee