I had a pit in my stomach as the school year drew to a close last week.
My anxiety tends to be focused on my youngest son who is disabled and starts his expensive special-needs-supported summer camp THIS WEEK.
Whenever he has to change routines, there are usually a lot of bumps in the road.
I make drawn instructions (social stories) for him to help him navigate the new routine, but then worry that I was either too specific or not specific enough. I worry that i missed something crucial that will cause him to panic and get him off on the wrong foot with everyone, which might get him kicked out (again).
It's like I have a permanent mental charlie horse about him changing routines, and it's exhausting.
Other people make summer vacation plans, I think. Other people plan trips to the beach. Other people RELAX and ENJOY the summer. A relaxing summer always feels like a luxury I cannot afford.
I had a thought this morning, though:
What if it's not Leo's inability to adapt to change that's really the issue here? What if the person who most needs to work on adapting to change...is ME?
What if I'M the one who's really having trouble letting go of the familiar?
What if I'M the one who "can't handle" things like going to the beach or getting rejected from summer camp?
And how would I support and soothe myself if that's true?
....
Why did I tell you this?
A while ago, someone gave me a piece of advice I've never forgotten:
"If you SPOT IT...you GOT IT."
It's a way of saying that we tend to be most attuned to the attributes of others that we see as flaws in ourselves.
Think about the person at work you often feel is "difficult". What feels so difficult about them?
Is it possible that the things you'd list...are things you worry people might think about you?
Often, the shortest distance to reconciling our differences with someone is to "de-other" that person. And that can start with mentally noting our uncomfortable similarities with what we find "difficult" about them.
When I remember that Leo and I share similarities, I also remember how often I have thrived in life. And a little window opens for me to imagine that he too, is going to thrive. And something eases in me.
Give this exercise a try the next time you find yourself troubled by difficult work relationship.
-Cathy