Help! I have to be around hoo-mans!😱

Networking: The horror!

OMG, I hate the mere mention of the word. But yet, you’ll dramatically increase your chances of being hired and finding more opportunities for advancement if you do it. So unfortunately, it’s somewhat necessary.

Here are my top of mind tips for networking as an introverted creative person. This was helpful for reframing things to myself, because prior to this I thought networking meant chatting up a group of strangers and trying to get them to like you.

If this doesn’t apply to you in the slightest, feel free to skip to the bottom for the latest Save the Darlings prog. :)

1. Stop calling it “networking” to yourself.

What you are doing is forming relationships with other people in the industry. REAL relationships based on mutual respect and trust. Not people you pretend to like so that you can call in favors with them later to get ahead. The idea that networking is "fake friends" is often what makes it feels so unpalatable to do at all. (At least to me)

2. Think of "networking" as just a 1:1 work meeting.

For me, I need to have clear parameters when I’m meeting someone (a start and end time, and a mutually beneficial purpose) or I get really stressed out. I don’t love open-ended socializing with people that I don’t know very well…and sometimes I don’t like it even when I DO know the people well.

However, when I put it in the context of it being a 1:1 meeting to accomplish a specific goal, my anxiety calms down. I also have specific agenda that I have pre-made when the meeting type = intro meeting. (Specific experience and projects I’ll bring up).

Doing this bit of pre-scripting and parameterization makes me relax enough to actually have fun. And when I’m talking about things I’ve done for work, there is a part of me that just naturally feels happy talking about that, and I know this affects my body posture and overall impression I’m giving.

3. Do something you actually WANT to do.

Go places where it’s likely you’ll meet people you actually want to hang out with who happen to be in the industry. Sounds overly simple, but I think most of us need permission to do this when it comes to networking.

Hate getting lunch with people or hanging out in bars? Don’t f*ing do it. If you do a search, I’m relatively sure you’ll find something more palatable as a networking event. For example, board game nights, a talk about new tech or something. Or even a course or a class. I tend to avoid going to anything that’s labeled “networking night.”

4. Don’t get overly stressed about networking with the “right” people.

Like, if you regularly have a Thursday coffee break with your teammates, guess what, THAT’s networking too. Besides, you actually do NEED to develop relationships with your peers. Why? In 10 years, y’all are going to be RUNNING this team, or teams like this. Things change quickly. So, don’t worry if your networking list doesn’t necessarily include THAT big-wig department head, or whatever.

5. Wrap networking around a cause or issue that you REALLY care about.

See if there is an employee interest group at your job that addresses that cause. For example, I used to volunteer-mentor for the “Women at HBO” group. I volunteered for our department’s Spirit Committee and got a chance to put on an Emerging Tech mini-conference for the whole department. I’d volunteer to walk in the PRIDE parade with my older son. Though there wasn’t a formal group for it, I also always connected with other parents of special needs kids too.

When you are close to a particular issue, you become the most authentic version of yourself…people get to see your passion and your dedication in a way that maybe they won’t always get to in the course of a normal work day. My social anxiety tends to melt away in the face of me wanting to make a difference or help others.

Note: I am not telling you to “bring your full self to work” because I don’t necessarily think that’s great advice and it can present a personal safety issue sometimes. However in the context of it already being in an interest group related to that thing, absolutely show people that you care about that thing.

Okay, hope that was all helpful!

Latest Save the Darlings prog here.

Happy Weekend!

Cathy aka Your Design Mom