I have a friend who never seems to get unduly upset.
I’ve never seen him ruminate about anything for longer than 5 minutes, and even then it’s usually because he had a disappointing outcome in a chess match online, or something. He’s never rage-cried in front of me…he’s never yelled at a telemarketer.
As a result, he simply can’t relate when *I* have moments of stress. He’s absolutely ABJECTLY TERRIBLE at pep talks.
It’s so very annoying sometimes. Like, c’mon, have a moment of self-doubt like the rest of us, g*ddamnit.
I asked him about it. I asked him if it’s really true he never worries about not being good enough.
He said, “I have never had a safety net. No one gave me a pep talk. Everything I did, I had to win…because losing meant losing my place here. I ASSUMED that the cards were stacked against me, and that I’d lose. So I just did whatever I could do. I decided to ‘go down fighting.’”
He didn’t say this in a shouty way. He said in his calm and even way…matter-of-factly.
For context, he immigrated from Taiwan, went to college here, got an H1B visa, jumped through a million bureaucratic hoops, waited an eternity, and is now finally a citizen. If you don’t know anything about Taiwan…just like, suffice it to say that everyone from Taiwan grows up with missiles literally pointed in their direction at all times. They also encounter typhoons, earthquakes, giant mosquitos, and extreme heat on a pretty much daily basis.
I guess a telemarketer or a bad day at work can’t really compare to all that.
What if all the ways you’re feeling trialed…
Or targeted…
Or dis-included…
Or left behind…
...Are what’s making you resilient and badass in a way that allows you to leap miles ahead of your competition?
What if people ALREADY ARE in awe of you for how cool and collected you are? Despite however it feels to you while you're in the middle of it. Despite however much you feel "out of control."
I am willing to bet it's true.
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That's what I have for today. Have a good weekend!
-Cathy